I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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