My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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