is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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