Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
