Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
