Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
