I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
