First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
