I'm going to jail i love you
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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