I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
