We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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