Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
