Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
