What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
