ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
