i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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