So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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