we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
