So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
