some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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