I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Randomize
