Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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