there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
