Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
