she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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