Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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