My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
