worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
