just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
