Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
