YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
