It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
