North Korea, Best Korea!
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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