I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
