he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
