I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Houston, we have a squirter
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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