Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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