I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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