I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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