I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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