it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
