Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Randomize
