pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
