I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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