Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
