your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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