He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
