First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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