Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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