I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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