Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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