I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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