But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
