You made me cry and you don't even care
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
