We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She even gives head with a lisp.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
