Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
