I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
