I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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