at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
