Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
