I smell stomach acid.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
