But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
This baby is an asshole
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
