we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
