It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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