i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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