somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
