I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
