apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
